Dressing in a stylish way when you have a chronic pain condition.

AD |  This post is written in partnership with M&S as part of an on going collaboration. 


Bar the fact I like to look stylish, well put together and quite frankly cool as fuck, my number one priority when it comes to how I dress is, to be comfortable.

Having a chronic pain condition, well it sucks. I am always in pain, always trying to best deal with my many symptoms and continually trying to make my life/body as comfortable as possible. Without making this blog post a list of Fibromyalgia side effects, I thought I'd share some of the things that I find keep me as comfy as possible when I am out and about doing my thing.

So, it's January, and I'm going to start with the obvious issue that can make this month/time of year pretty uncomfortable when you have chronic pain... it's cold and wet, and this can play havoc with your joints/muscles! I wrote a tweet last week that basically said I am half in the mindset that I want to smash 2019 and make it the most productive year I've ever had and then I'm half obsessed with staying in, in the warm and staying cosy on my sofa. I feel like this back, and forth is a constant battle that I face due to having Fibromyalgia. Can anyone else relate? There is SO much I want to achieve, and I feel like I am at such a fantastic stage of my career, but it's just sooooo hard to balance everything. I continuously need to pace myself and make sure I rest in between work commitments, but sometimes I am so busy, I need to travel into London every day of the week, and that is especially hard when it's freezing outside, and my pain is heightened.

Clothing

To make sure I keep myself as warm as possible, I layer up. The starting point to most of my winter looks is a coat, and once I've chosen that, I work backwards and put the rest of the look together. I am currently very into this dusty pink wool coat and the fact that although it's thick, I can wear a few layers underneath it. The single breasted coat is a wardrobe staple, it's got a classic cut, and you'll be able to pull it out year after year. The pink coat, especially those fluffy teddy ones have been on trend for a number of seasons, but I feel like this particular pink coat is really chic and won't ever age. The coat comes up big, so I recommend sizing down! If you struggle with the use of your hands/fingers, you'll know the importance and helpfulness of clothes that are easy to do up/close etc. Big buttons, easy to grip zips, velcro are all great features when your grip is an issue. The huge, singular button on this coat definitely makes it easy to do up!

As I mentioned above, layering up is key to staying warm and cosy, and if I have to get out of my loungewear and go into the big, bad world I am sure as hell going to wear the cosiest things! This knit jumper is an absolute gem, it is softer than a newborn baby and makes me look stylish even though it feels like I am wrapped in my favourite blanky. This particular jumper is sadly out of stock online but M&S have tonnes of gorgeous knit wear pieces, take a look here.

Underneath all the trendy items, I often wear thermal vest tops as well as the comfiest bra's I can find. I used to struggle a lot and always wore an underwired bra until I realised that if you can find a good non- wired bra; you'll look just as good and it might help you comfort wise. A tight bra can make me flare up in 5 minutes. My back and neck are where I get most of my chronic pain, a comfortable bra is crucial. I love crop tops for when I'm at home, and this non-wired bra is fantastic!

Hiding underneath a lot of my clothes is often a heat pack. If you know me, you will have gotten used to me carting a hot water bottle around with me where ever I go. Heat from a hot water bottle is the number one thing that helps me when I am struggling. I even take my hot water bottles with me to warm countries. The searing heat from a bottle is the only thing that distracts me from the actual chronic pain. When I am out and about it isn't very practical to lug a bottle around, so my recent discovery of this electric heat pack has really changed the game for me. You can charge this heat pad in 10 mins, you can strap it, and it has little sleeves you can slip your hands into!

Next up, I need to talk about my IBS. Eurghhhhhhh. This is the biggest bane of my life. It affects me every day and makes me feel so gross on a regular basis. Nothing is sexy about sharing the fact that you always have a bad tummy, a bloated stomach and you just never know when a flare-up will happen. Let's just say; I know all the best toilets to use in central London. With this in mind, if I wear trousers or something with a waistband...it needs to be elasticated, pull on is preferable and if it has a high waist; this is even better. I prefer to wear trousers that sit higher up on me so that they don't dig in lower down. These High Waist Joggers are...absolutely amazing. I tried them on in front of my housemate, and I couldn't stop singing their praises. The waistband of these joggers are so comfy, they are pull on joggers, but they also look kind of smart, don't you think? No zips or buttons = fuss free!

Shoes. Shoes are my biggest bugbear in life. I need them to be comfy, but I want them to look stylish at the same time. I have always been obsessed with chunky shoes, I've rocked them for many years and me more than anyone is happy that the "Dad Trainer" is still going strong for 2019! M&S have finally come on board with this trend and omg when I tell you they are the most comfortable trainers I've ever worn; I wouldn't be lying. These Chunky Trainers are soft and padded in the inside and so supportive and make me feel so stable when I'm stomping around London. When my muscles are killing me, and my legs feel like they could fall off, I need my trainers light and not weigh a tonne. These are the kind of trainers that are oddly light, and you wonder how they make them so light!

Velcro shoes, electronic laces and slip-on shoes are also so helpful for people with limited mobility/grip problems. I often struggle with bending down to tie up my shoes, so I am a big fan of shoes/trainers that are slip-on. If I have to wear heels, I do love a good mule. Mules are easy to slip on, they tend to have chunky block heels, and they feel really sturdy.

Carrying anything heavy triggers my Fibromyalgia. I have to be very careful when I go out and about as even lugging a handheld handbag around can flare up my pain. Crossbody bags are my go-to style of bag as I find them the most comfortable. When my pain is at its worst, I like to wear mini backpacks. Back Packs spread the weight of what you're carrying, across your back and keep your arms free. Mini backpacks are compact, and the hard case ones look especially great - really chic!

Hair

Doing my hair is the number one thing that I struggle with when it comes to getting myself ready. I like to wash, blow-dry, straighten and curl my hair and this is what I do when I want to look/feel my best. Sadly, because of my Fibro I can't always do that full process. If I need to do my hair, I'll wash, blow dry and then roughly straighten it (like I did in these outfit pics). My hair is naturally curly, and I also like to leave it to air dry, especially in the summer when I want to have beachier looking natural curls. If I really can't bring myself to wash my hair, I have found the perfect hairstyle that makes me feel chic and well put together. I do a centre parting and slick my hair back into a very low ponytail at the nape of my neck. I either leave it as a, or I do a chignon (fancy word for a bun). I secure it with Bobby Pins and smooth down stray hairs with hair spray. Doing a low bun, is a chic way to style your hair when you have limited mobility and this winter, it has been my go-to style. My arms and neck have been especially bad recently and this hair style has been a life saver.

Beauty

It's no secret, I love makeup, and I love to wear a full face of makeup. When I am at home, I obviously go make up free. I never used to go out and about without makeup on but as the years go on and my pain continues to make my life more tricky I have started to go out without makeup on. It saves me energy, time and means I can rest a bit longer before going out. If I am at peak pain levels, but I still want to wear a full face, I use minimal products and just focus on the three things I prefer to have 'done'. I make sure I do my regular base, minus contouring and to give myself some colour I pile on the blush. I usually like to do eyeshadow, winged eyeliner and lots of mascara. When I do my minimal makeup look, I merely slick on lots of mascara. The final thing I always like to do is my eyebrows; I don't feel like myself without them!

Press on/glue on nails are a life saver I swear to god. My nails often look very flakey and weak due to Fibromyalgia and press on nails take under 10 mins to apply. The silver ones I am wearing in these shots took no time at all to put on and really make me feel/look like I have my shit together.

Accessories

When my pain is terrible, I wear minimal or no accessories. I just can't be bothered if I am quite honest with you. Faffing with buckles, clasps, zips, fiddly earrings does my head in, makes me more aggravated and is more likely to cause a flare-up. If I want to wear earrings, I tend to wear a simple pair of hoops that click shut and be done with it!

Shop My Look

1. Coat - Out of Stock online, similar here  | 2. Trousers | 3. Jumper - Out of Stock online, similar here | 4. Chunky Trainers

Photography by Bethany Elstone 

So there we have it. I might not have said anything ground breaking and all of this must be quite obvious to the majority, but I just wanted put down in words how I personally cope. When you have a chronic pain condition, you face so many barriers that make *everything* difficult. If even one thing I've mentioned here helps you; I will be happy.

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Living With Chronic Pain...

Over the Christmas period and more recently, because of the freezing cold weather, my chronic pain (Fibromyalgia) and chronic fatigue (CFS) were off the charts. I struggled SO badly and it really, really affected me physically as well as mentally. In order for me to preserve any energy/sanity, I kept myself to myself for a lot of the time. I had to leave my brother's house on Christmas Day to crawl into bed as the pain was so bad. I had to spend Boxing Day by myself instead of going to Winter Wonderland with my family and I spent the days after Christmas up until New Year's Eve, on my own.

Who else hides themselves away when their chronic pain or mental health is in pieces? I find that when it's all too much for me; I recoil and shut myself in. The reasons for me doing this are varied, but mostly it's so that I feel less of a burden on those I'm with. I get fed up of lying and saying I'm fine when really I'm not. It is easier not having to explain myself/my pain. I know if family members or friends were to read this they would tell me not to be so silly, BUT it's something you have to battle with when you have chronic pain or a disability and no one can take those sorts of feelings away sadly. 

Whilst I was on my own and lying in bed I made a list. I compiled a list of just some of the thoughts I have about living with chronic pain. This is a list of what I personally feel chronic pain does to me. It's a list of what chronic pain does to my brain as well as my body. 

I try my hardest to not let my chronic pain define me BUT it's damn hard. It's not all doom and gloom, I generally have a fantastic life with friends and family who love me but...

For me, this is what living with chronic pain is like...


Procrastinating and putting off things. AKA posting this post that I wrote back in January!

Spending the festive period on your own because sometimes, even being surrounded by people who love you; can be too much.

Having a kettle by your bed so that you don't have to go down 3 flights of stairs to make a hot water bottle.

Grieving for the life you once had, before you were constantly in pain. 

Cancelling date after date because you fear they'll run a mile once they find out you're in agony, every day.

Feeling like you let EVERYONE down, all the time.

Postponing and cancelling on people until they stop asking.

Lying in bed, supposedly the most comfortable place on Earth and it might as well be a bed of nails.

Wondering if your friends are sick of you being the "special" one. The one who needs the comfy bed when you go away, the one who can't attend 50% of your get-togethers. 

When you know a hot bath or shower would help relieve your pain, but getting up, undressing & turning the taps on/off is too much.

Feeling like you're triple the age you really are.

Being surrounded by piles of washing because doing the laundry is far too much.

Wondering if you'll go to the toilet on yourself because you can't get to the toilet quick enough.

Feeling like no one will ever want to be with you.

Apologising/forgiving, even when you know you're not in the wrong because being in an argument for any longer; will just cause you too much anxiety & even more pain.

Spending days and days in loungewear.

Being jealous of your peers and how much they achieve daily, weekly, monthly.

Feeling like you're a let down to your family because all you do is complain and whine to them. 

Being in so much pain, you stutter because you can't get your words out properly. 

Not doing your hair because you can't face lifting your arms for that long.

Wondering if you'll ever have a day when you wake & your first thought isn't pain.

Cancelling something you have wanted to do for weeks. 

Feeling like you hate everyone, even the people you love.

Watching one channel on television for hours on end because the remote control is too far out of reach.

Being unable to carry your own suitcase 

Leaving your DSLR camera at home every day because it's too heavy for you to carry.

Ordering uber eats 3X a day because you can't face cooking/preparing anything.

Taking taxis everywhere you go because travelling by public transport/walking is too much.

Being skint because all you do is take taxis & order take away food.

Having scars on your back, stomach and legs from years and years of hot water bottle burns. 

Wondering every week if your management is going to let you go because you're always sick & you're not achieving enough.

Having no space in your brain for anything else other than pain. 

Not being able to screw the cap off some medicine, because you have no grip.

Taking a hot water bottle abroad even though it's 30degrees +.

Planning out every single journey so that you know every single minute detail.

Turning down travel opportunities because the thought of the travel/flight is too much.

Worrying so much about all of these things, that it gives you IBS for over 9 years.

Thinking everyone just thinks you're lazy.

Pretending you're ok when really you'd prefer to not be alive.

Lying awake, even when you are shattered but your central nervous system is so hyped; it won't let you go to sleep.

Being in so much pain, you throw up.

Wanting to achieve everything & feeling like you achieve nothing. 

Looking at your friend's lives and being so jealous you wish something shit would happen to them, just for once.

Knowing you'll probably never have kids because even babysitting relatives for a few hours, leaves you in agony.

Keeping all of this to yourself because it's easier than telling someone.

Having no short-term memory because your brain is occupied by pain signals.

Having no sex drive because all of the above, just isn't very sexy now, is it?

Having a high sex drive but even just lying down in bed hurts.

Telling everyone you're "fine" when really, you're far from it.

Losing countless friends because you can't keep up with them all & they expect too much of you; so it's easier just to let the relationship slide.

Not texting anyone back because then you have to face up to why you've been ignoring their texts.

Wondering what it feels like to have a pain free hug from someone. 

Wanting to exercise but being unable to.

Sitting on the tube because you're in agony but giving your seat up because no one can see you're in pain & you're worried about looking unkind/unsympathetic to somebody else in need.

Using a hot water bottle minus the fabric cover because the burning sensation/pain distracts you from your chronic pain. 

Being in such a good mood, you want to cry because you know this feeling isn't going to last.

Being sick of your own thoughts.

How I cope

As I mentioned above, there are good days. There are days where the pain is manageable and I don't let it control me. It's very, very hard though. It is something that I am still trying to get to grips with and I do wonder if things will ever get better.

Lots of people private message me about how I cope with my Fibromyalgia and the one thing I constantly say is - pace yourself. You need to realise what your limitations are and what it is that will trigger your symptoms. For me, I know that stress, cold weather, travelling and walking/standing for a long time & dancing on a night out are my worst triggers - there are tonnes more, however. I then make sure that I plan as much as I can if I know I am going to do any of those things. I try to alleviate the stress of situations where possible by thinking about how every stage will affect me. If I am travelling for instance - I plan my journey, I pre-order my cabs, I take a pillow/hot water bottle with me and I make sure I carry as little as possible... the list goes on.

~ Seize the day ~

When I am having one of my good days - I really have to make the most of it. I have to seize the day! Shooting content with my photographer is an example of this. I have been struggling for a good few weeks since London Fashion Week and have been wanting to shoot these denim jeggings from Matalan since receiving them back in February! Sadly it's taken longer than I wanted - but I just had to listen to my body and wait it out. Finally, I felt strong enough last week, slugged through the snow and shot this snuggling, comfy, classic outfit. 

Some days I like to dress in a striking, edgy way and some days I like to be comfortable, timeless and relatable. Denim and a Breton jumper is the perfect combination for that 'done but not too done' look, in my opinion. 

Shop Matalan Denim here.

Shop My Look

1. *Denim Jeggings | 2. Jumper - Zara similar here and here | 3. Coat | 4. Trainers | 6. Bag - ZARA sold out.

There is so much I could say about how I cope with my chronic pain, but I think I will leave that for another more comprehensive post. Would this be of interest to any of you? I could write about my Fibromyalgia diagnosis, treatments I have had, drugs I have tried, how I cope mentally/physically etc...

Please comment below or message me on socials if this sort of post would be of interest. 


*This post was written in collaboration with Matalan

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